


Eve on Earth

by SmartCoffee



Category: Paradise Lost - John Milton
Genre: F/M, Humor, Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 13:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16493354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmartCoffee/pseuds/SmartCoffee
Summary: Adam is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he's rather sweet. Eve is a strong woman but she doesn't have a lot of patience.





	1. Fiat Lux

Eve on Earth  [ Chapter 1 ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16493354/chapters/38627639) : Fiat Lux

"Adam!" screamed Eve.       

No one answered. Eve heard wind whip through the trees. 

"Where are you, Adam?" Her brow furrowed. She needed him now. She felt a strange tightness under her belly that she had never experienced before. That dope was probably fishing again.

It was unfair for her to consider Adam a dope. After all, there were only two people now. He might be the smartest person alive, although he might be the dumbest instead. Or they could be tied. But they didn't have a concept of ties yet. That would come next week when Eve invented rock, paper, scissors.

Adam had no idea Eve was looking for him. But her guess that he was fishing was wrong. He was hunting. Well, you might call it a hunting experiment. He was in an open field and trying to figure out which animals he had a shot of killing. He raced some rabbits, deer, and birds, but they all got away easily. So far, all he had ever killed was a grasshopper. That might not sound impressive to you or me, but you had better believe Adam was pleased with himself. Eve was happy too, more or less.

Three weeks ago, when he had killed his first grasshopper, Eve's first thought was, "I am NOT eating that." But her second thought was, "Maybe this is the beginning of something bigger." She wondered if Adam might be able to get faster or stronger, even more clever, then kill something that could make a decent meal. There had to be a way to encourage him to keep trying without eating that nasty, scaly, grasshopper.

"Wow, Adam that was great work. I'm overwhelmed that you want to share it with me, but you worked so hard on it. I just don't think it would be fair for me to take it away. So you can have this one to yourself as a treat and we'll share the next one," Eve had said.

Adam wasn't an idiot. He wasn't about to promise Eve half of the next grasshopper before he even caught it. If he caught something big like a bird, they'd split it evenly. But if he got another grasshopper, he'd take most of it and just give Eve a bite. Besides, she was smaller so she probably didn't get as hungry.

He said, "Thank you, Eve. Sure, I'll give you whatever you need."

Eve preferred foraging to hunting. She looked for berries, nuts, and seeds. She realized quickly that plants don't move. The hard part was knowing which ones were good to eat and which ones made you ill.

Thinking now about the pain near her belly, she wondered if it might be an effect from a plant she had eaten. Something was telling her no. It was true that some berries did hurt her belly and Adam's too. It was also true that the place where she was hurting was near her belly, though closer to her legs than she remembered feeling before. There was something else though. Something different.

When she ate a bad berry, it felt like it did when she spun. She had learned that she could spin her body around and it felt strange. It was like turning around when you wanted to go a different way, but much faster. Spinning made her feel like whatever food was inside her was about to come back out of her mouth. She hid the secret of spinning from Adam - for his own good.

This lower belly pain was bad but different. Sometimes Adam made her feel this way when he lay on top of her. But that made sense. You could feel something heavy on your body. The weird part of her pain was that it felt like there was something heavy there but she could plainly see that there wasn't.

Eve brought her left hand to her belly. She felt around the area where the pain was. It seemed to be the same as it always was. She felt her sides. No, same as always. She went lower. Then she felt between her thighs. Hmm, something was wet. Had she peed? No, she would definitely know if she had. Then she looked at her fingers and saw spots of blood.

Blood. The chilling memory of the first time they saw blood was burned into Adam and Eve's minds. God hid blood from them for the entire time they were in Paradise.

After God told her and Adam they wouldn't be living in Paradise anymore,

Eve remembered that they both fell into a deep sleep. When they woke up, they were confused.

The music had stopped. Paradise had an ethereal, tranquil type of music that played from time to time.

But they saw familiar sights that put them at ease. They saw bright green grass. The colors of wildflowers - yellow, red, and purple - delighted them. Little brown birds flitting back and forth, singing their bright tunes - cheered Adam and Eve. Nothing was quite the same as it had been in Paradise but it was not terrible.

They had been quite curious about the world then. They wanted to explore every little nook and cranny. They ran to and fro, excited with each new discovery. When night came on the first day, they found a quiet and safe cave near a clearing. Sitting down, Adam and Eve noticed something shocking. The soles of their feet had red liquid streaming down the surface. Neither one knew what to make of it.

Adam tasted a drop of the liquid. He mouth twisted into a grimace, "That's awful. I don't think this is for eating."

Eve rubbed the blood between her thumb and forefinger, "It feels sticky."

Adam examined his left foot. He twisted it, rubbed it, and prodded with his fingers. He found that if he pressed the sole with his thumb, the blood came out faster.

"Look," he said as he demonstrated for Eve.

"Ugg. Don't do that," Eve said.

"Why not?" asked Adam.

"I don't know, but this red stuff bothers me," said Eve.

"Well, seems like we should get used to it. It's a part of us," said Adam.

"Huh. What do you mean? I thought we just stepped in something gross," said Eve.

"Nope. Think about it. When I push on my foot, it comes out. It's coming from inside my foot," said Adam.

Eve realized Adam was right.

  
  



	2. At The End You Say Amen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eve continues to be the boss in the relationship. Adam and Eve learn theology hands-on.

"Eve? Where are you Eve?" asked Adam.

"Adam. Oh God, you're here. Come here right now." said Eve.

"What is it? What happened?" asked Adam.

"It's blood. I'm bleeding," said Eve.

Adam didn't know what to say.

 "This time, it isn't coming from my feet. It's from between my thighs." said Eve.

"That's weird. You must have fallen on some rocks," said Adam.

"No," she said.

"Did an animal bite you? Maybe a wolf? A bear?" asked Adam.

"No. I would remember that. That didn't happen. Have you ever had bleeding you couldn't explain?" asked Eve.

 He searched his memory. Of course he had never bled in Paradise. In this new world, he often bled from his feet when he walked on rocks. Sometimes he bled after a fall. Once he bled because a wolf bit his arm.

"No, I think this is something new. Maybe we should pray about it,” said Adam.

"What do you mean  _pray_? I don't know what that is," said Eve.

"Really? God told me about it a couple of times," said Adam.

"What are you talking about? You mean God talked about how to pray back when we were in Paradise?" asked Eve.

"No, no. A while back, God told me I could ask Him for things I need and He would give them to me. Then yesterday, He reminded me again."

Eve stared at him dumbfounded. "God's been talking to you? You never told me."

"Wait, God doesn't talk to you?" asked a confused Adam.

"NO! God doesn't talk to me! I haven't heard anything from him since we got here. I can't believe you've been talking with him and not telling me," said Eve. Adam could be so dumb. How could he talk to God and think it was just something trivial?

 "Hey. He always talked to me. He talked to me before you were born. I'm used to it. I thought that was what he does. He talks to the people he makes," said Adam.

 This just didn't make any sense, Adam thought. Why was God talking to him but not to Eve? If anything, it should be the other way around. Did God expect him to tell Eve whatever he told him? But if he wanted to, he could talk to them both.

And there was a bigger question - how exactly was Eve different from him? She looked different. When they made love, he noticed more subtle differences. Also, her voice was different. That had puzzled Adam because her mouth looked just like his but her voice was totally different. But he could see beauty in these differences. Yet God speaking to him but not to Eve was the strangest difference of all.

 "How did God tell you to pray?" asked Eve.

"Let's see. I think there were some different steps. You're supposed to ask for the thing that you want. You're supposed to say something nice." said Adam.

"Say something nice? What do you mean by that? Do you mean something like the weather is nice today?" said Eve.

"No, it's more like,  _O God, you are so kind_ , or  _'O God, you are the wise one_." said Adam.

"Ah, so you're supposed to say something nice about God." said Eve.

"Yeah. That's what I said. And then at the end, you say  _Amen_." said Adam.

"What's that?" asked Eve.

"I think it just means you're done with whatever you wanted to say," said Adam.

"Didn't you think to ask God about that?" asked Eve.

"No. Never crossed my mind," said Adam.

Eve was putting the pieces together. When God spoke to Adam, God explained things. He probably did it with much greater detail than Adam recalled. She knew Adam wasn't great at listening. Adam didn't ask many questions or try to pin God down on what he meant. Yet, if God had spoken to Eve, she would have listened more closely but she would have also asked several questions to clarify just what he intended.

 "We need to think of a prayer to say so God will stop my bleeding," said Eve.

 "Right. What's something nice we can say about God?" said Adam.

"Umm. God gave us eyes to see and ears to hear. Those are good things," said Eve.

"And he's really big." said Adam.

"What's that?" said Eve.

"You've seen him. He's huge. Way bigger than we are." said Adam.

"Okay, but how is that something nice to say about him?" asked Eve.

"Isn't it? I wish I were bigger. I don't know. The eyes and ears thing sounds better, I guess." said Adam.

 Eve rolled her eyes. "Let's keep going. I want to tell God to stop the bleeding in my body and to relieve the pain I feel."

 Adam chimed in, "While we've got his attention, I'm going to ask for him to help me catch animals we can eat."

 Eve, "Wait, can you just throw something unrelated into a prayer like that? I thought this was a prayer about pain not hunting. That seems odd."

Adam, "I want God to give me the power to hunt and fish so we can have plenty to eat."

Eve, "So I guess that's it then. I feel like there's something missing."

Adam said, "Hmm." Then he remembered, "Amen. Say Amen at the end."

Adam and Eve prayed just like they planned. Then they were quiet for a few minutes and looked around. Eve checked if she was still bleeding. There wasn't a lot of blood, but it hadn't stopped. She still felt like something was pressing down on her belly.

"How long does it take God to answer a prayer?" asked Eve.


	3. Lilith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're either going to love it or hate it. I put in some twists and they're really twisted.

There was a woman more beautiful and wiser than Eve. While Eve had light brown eyes that were rather plain, this woman had dazzling green eyes with gold flecks. While Eve had dark hair that she found difficult to manage, this woman had golden blond hair, with some striking strands of pure white, and finely styled too.

"Adam, is that you? It IS you. It's so lovely to see you again, my darling."

This was freaking Adam out. Who on Earth was this? Allah told him he was the first. Then Allah announced he was making Eve. This person looked like him and Eve but Allah had never mentioned a third. And why did she have to come when Adam was in the savannah? He loved the savannah for its calm silence and its flat terrain. But she was ruining it.

"Excuse me? Do I know you?” asked Adam.

"Darling, you don't remember me? That's simply shocking. I'm Lilith. I was your first wife."

"That's impossible. I've never even seen another woman besides Eve," said Adam.

Now a normal person would react with confusion, anger, or some powerful emotion. Lilith kept her cool like a seasoned poker player in the middle of a critical bluff.

"Poor, sweet Adam. So trusting, so innocent. Allah must have erased your memory of me," she said.

"I don't get it. I understand memories but what do you mean by "erased?"" asked Adam.

She snapped her fingers and suddenly both Adam and her teleported to a sandy Pacific beach.

"What?! How did you do that? How did we get here?"

"Keep up, darling, and focus. I'm going to show you erasing," Lilith said. Then she used a shell to draw a cross in the sand. "Do you see this shape right here: the two lines passing over each other in the middle?"

"Yeah," said Adam.

Lilith wiped away the cross in the sand. "Do you see the two lines anymore?"

"No. Big deal. I can do that too. I make lines in dirt and then change them. It's fun to mess around like that but it's just a game," said Adam.

"Adam, what if I were to tell you that in your head," she stopped and pointed at his forehead, "you have a kind of sand that can be written on or erased?"

A perplexed Adam asked, "Okay, but what's your point?"

"I used to be in your head but someone erased me."

"Oh. Ohhhh."

Adam felt nauseated. If his memories could be erased, then what was real and what was fake? Is it possible that he had been married before but did not even remember it? On the other hand, he had never even seen this person before. He had never heard her name before. She said it was Lilith, but how could he know? He had been burned by trusting a fast-talking stranger before.

"Adam, this has been a lovely chat. You look great. You must be doing some hunting because you look like a guy who has been running after animals. I'll be going, but this isn't the last time you'll see me. But I want to give you something first, if you don't mind."

"You had better just leave, if it's all the same."

"No, no, I insist, I'm going to give you something you really want. You'll regret saying no," said Lilith.

Adam shrugged, "All right."

Lilith relaxed her soft, supple lips and stuck her tongue in Adam's mouth, caressing the back of his head at the same time. Lilith dematerialized into a cloud of white smoke.

Lilith rematerialized on the surface of Mars, but in a different form. Black wings, yellow eyes, pale skin, and black claws. Shaitan, the Manifest Enemy of Mankind, enjoyed that prank immensely.


End file.
